journey to the sacred

I grew up in the non-denominational evangelical church. I came out of my formative years with a fear of other churches and other traditions. They were all possibly cults and no other teaching could be completely trusted. This is normal because children don't have the tools to make evaluations on matters of theology. Children want to be taught what is right. Now, this doesn't apply as much today with the post-modern generation. They want to figure it out somewhat on their own.
Until a few years ago words like tradition, ritual, and liturgy were words that, to me, spoke of uninspired religion. I'm being to fall in love with these words. My eyes are being open to the early church and the power of being intentional with my encounters with God and Church. I must thank Jim and Janna Matthias for guiding our group in Lectio Divina and teaching us that church tradition is beautiful and communal.
I'm on a journey to experience God in a new way, for me. Not a new way in regards to church history. The first believers continued to worship God in their daily scheduled prayers. Jesus didn't come and throw out the prayers of Judaism, but fulfilled the prayers; adding His teachings of the Kingdom (good book on this "The Jesus Creed").
At some point, soon, I hope my post will be titled "Journey in the Sacred."

"Language was the one sure and steady presentation of the sacred in life....the one space or exercise in which the human and divine truly met and in which every act of both was recorded beyond adjustment or deletion. To give oneself to understanding the workings of language was to accept vocation at the high altar." P. Tickle The Shaping of a Life

memoirs

I tend to get sucked into memoirs that I can't put down. This last memoir, "Her Last Death" was pretty disturbing. Doug was puzzled by the fact that I couldn't wait for it to be finished and I treated the read like something I had to get done. I was hoping for a little light to shine, but really nothing brightened the pages. Don't even pick up "Running with Scissors." I cut that one short around the 5th chapter. The review said it was disturbingly funny. What does that mean?! It was nothing but disturbing. I'm now reading Anne Lamott and I'm going to stick with her.
There are two common threads in all the memoirs I've read. The authors have major dysfunction in their childhoods' and they have a great passion for reading at a young age.
I've been taking great pride watching Maegan devour books and even reading as she walks about. But the other day I feared, "What will she write about me in her memoir?" Will she remember with fondness, "My mom was obsessed with healthy foods, and sent us to bed with nightmares of bio engineered foods." Or, "My mom's love for everything natural instilled in us a love for the smell of rain, and the satisfaction of eating meat that still smelled like the farm." (I'm not really that healthy, but I do rant about it).
You never know which lens your children are going to use to remember you. I'm hoping for quirky and endearing not controlling and naggy. I think the lens depends on the birth order of the child.
Another thing that strikes me about memoirs is the ability of the authors to remember stuff that happened at 3 years old and events that don't really seem that memorable. Maybe I'll start writing Maegan's memoir for her since I can get the memories right :)
Or, maybe her childhood won't be dysfunctional enough to make a best seller. But, I would like it to be interesting enough to write about; dysfunction makes good life lessons!

Severing Hands As Punishment for Theft

I just googled "punishment for kids stealing." Maegan stole $5.00 from Doug's wallet so she could buy stuff at the school book fair (even though she bought 2 books the day before). We are pretty sure this isn't the first time she has helped herself to our cash. She has also refused to give part of her allowance to church. We agreed in the beginning that she would "save, give, spend" her allowance. Next google, 'way to force child to love giving'.
Spencer stole a chocolate from Menards last Saturday and a candy bar from there today. I tried to talk to him about it. I said, "How would you feel if we gave you some candy and then one of your friends stole it from you?" He said, "Well, I would be mad and go to the store and take some candy from them." Nice.
Top this stuff with Maegan telling me I deserve to die and other unthoughtful words. Maegan threw her helmet down and broke it today and Spencer pushed a toy crib over and broke it. Doug discovered our printer was broken by the kids (spilled water or something). Oh, and this is just scratches the surface.
What are we doing wrong?! How have we failed?!
Parenting is very hard and leaves me running to the books furiously searching indexes for answers. And yes, shaking the old google 8 ball to find some wisdom.
One article I discovered was a clip of a Hammas children's show that taught kids that Hasim the bunny should get his hand cut off for stealing from his dad. Hmmmm....kids it's movie night!

first mile

I just completed my first mile. For every mile I walk, run, or swim until the end of May I will raise some money for Love 146. If you'd like to sponsor me per mile it's not too late. (my goal is 50 miles)
So, I was walking and listening Brett Dennen on Pandora. I've been listening to Brett, on Pandora, for a couple of years. I was thinking that I would describe Brett as being like Tracy Chapman, but better. By the end of my walk I discovered that Brett is not a black woman, as I have thought for 2 years. Brett is a 30 yr. old white guy. It's extra funny because back in the day I used to think Tracy Chapman was a white guy.
I really enjoyed my walk and had time for some thinking (it was just Graham and I). I was thinking how people often view music, movies, books, and art as an escape from reality. But those things are just as real, if not more. We have two lens to look through. The one lens sees that a dirty diaper is just a dirty diaper and a traffic ticket is just a pain in the arse. The other lens sees the quotidian as a little more mysterious. In order to use this lens you need to stop and observe.
Maybe we do turn to art, books, and music for an escape. Perhaps you need an escape from something in your life right now, or you can create something with what you are escaping as a way to make sense of it all and share it with someone else.
Ok, off to change a dirty diaper!

in spite of all the crying

It's good to be a girl. (I never refer to myself as a women, unless I'm singing Whitney Houston's song). I often tell Doug that he is really missing out; which is in response to him saying, "I'm so glad I pee standing up."
Doug can't imagine how I deal with all these emotions I have. Yes, as a woman I analyze things and break down our social encounters to how everyone might have felt when so and so said such and such. I believe in treading ever so lightly with other people's feelings and emotions. Doug, and the other boys, believe that you should just cut to the chase, break it down, and then move on. Have you watched men do this? It's amazing how they can be brutally honest and not give it a second thought. They even get away with pinching each other's stomach fat. I think it takes men years to learn to navigate a conversation with women that avoids all the mines that are our feelings. And still, once they've learned how to deal with our delicate state we throw out tricks like, "Do these pants make me look slimmer." His reply, "yes." Her reply, "Are you saying I need to look slimmer?" If his reply was "no", she would say, "Are you saying I look fat?"
I do think the crying part of being a girl is bitter sweet. I like that I have great compassion for all living and some non-living things. Doug reminded me yesterday that I cried when Martha Stewart got arrested. I was concerned with how she'd fair in the joint. I'm not even a fan of her. However, I was pregnant at the time.

i'm an artist, a poet, a musician, and there is more to come

I've spent a lot of my life living into how others view me. In high school and college many of you thought of me as the fun girl. My mission then, be the most fun and keep topping your idea of just how fun I could be. I didn't always feel like being fun, but there was a fear I'd lose my title.
I was an average student until Mr. Glidden, junior year at Avon, told me he thought I should be in the honors English class. I ended up acing his class and embracing the idea that I could be a good student. I majored in Secondary Education English.
Words and expectations can be powerful, very powerful. Just think of the power you can wield for good in someone else's life.
However, now that I'm 35 I'm finding that the power of other people's opinions of me can be harnessed. I don't want to care what people think in some regards. I just can't. Over the last 10 years I've embraced the fact that I don't know it all, or in some cases, very much. But, I have a passion for learning and hearing other people's point of view. I've learned that sometimes it's more important to learn other's views than to have a stance of my own.
And, for the title of the post. I love art, singing, dancing, writing, and thinking. I've never considered myself to be a master of these things, or someone who could get paid to do them. But, I'm going to pursue them and I don't care if you like my art, singing, dancing, or writing (you may not even see any of it happen.) It's my own little joy and treasure. I'm not waiting for someone to declare that I'm these things,I'm declaring it for myself.
Perhaps you've always wanted to be something. Go ahead: you are, you can be.

world water day

We truly take for granted that we have an abundance of clean water. Not only do we have plenty to drink, but clean water for our beautiful lawns, clean cars, and I bet we could actually drink the water the flushes down our excrement.
Helping others get this clean water is a very simple solution to right many ills in the world.
Doug visited an girls orphange and school to see the new water purification system that our churh bought. Many of you helped raise the money. Another system was needed for the school and has been purchased, but $750 more is needed to get it installed and get all the equipment needed.
If you'd like to help with this, in honor of world water day, leave a comment and I'll tell you how.