Tuesday, April 27, 2010

first mile

I just completed my first mile. For every mile I walk, run, or swim until the end of May I will raise some money for Love 146. If you'd like to sponsor me per mile it's not too late. (my goal is 50 miles)
So, I was walking and listening Brett Dennen on Pandora. I've been listening to Brett, on Pandora, for a couple of years. I was thinking that I would describe Brett as being like Tracy Chapman, but better. By the end of my walk I discovered that Brett is not a black woman, as I have thought for 2 years. Brett is a 30 yr. old white guy. It's extra funny because back in the day I used to think Tracy Chapman was a white guy.
I really enjoyed my walk and had time for some thinking (it was just Graham and I). I was thinking how people often view music, movies, books, and art as an escape from reality. But those things are just as real, if not more. We have two lens to look through. The one lens sees that a dirty diaper is just a dirty diaper and a traffic ticket is just a pain in the arse. The other lens sees the quotidian as a little more mysterious. In order to use this lens you need to stop and observe.
Maybe we do turn to art, books, and music for an escape. Perhaps you need an escape from something in your life right now, or you can create something with what you are escaping as a way to make sense of it all and share it with someone else.
Ok, off to change a dirty diaper!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

in spite of all the crying

It's good to be a girl. (I never refer to myself as a women, unless I'm singing Whitney Houston's song). I often tell Doug that he is really missing out; which is in response to him saying, "I'm so glad I pee standing up."
Doug can't imagine how I deal with all these emotions I have. Yes, as a woman I analyze things and break down our social encounters to how everyone might have felt when so and so said such and such. I believe in treading ever so lightly with other people's feelings and emotions. Doug, and the other boys, believe that you should just cut to the chase, break it down, and then move on. Have you watched men do this? It's amazing how they can be brutally honest and not give it a second thought. They even get away with pinching each other's stomach fat. I think it takes men years to learn to navigate a conversation with women that avoids all the mines that are our feelings. And still, once they've learned how to deal with our delicate state we throw out tricks like, "Do these pants make me look slimmer." His reply, "yes." Her reply, "Are you saying I need to look slimmer?" If his reply was "no", she would say, "Are you saying I look fat?"
I do think the crying part of being a girl is bitter sweet. I like that I have great compassion for all living and some non-living things. Doug reminded me yesterday that I cried when Martha Stewart got arrested. I was concerned with how she'd fair in the joint. I'm not even a fan of her. However, I was pregnant at the time.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

i'm an artist, a poet, a musician, and there is more to come

I've spent a lot of my life living into how others view me. In high school and college many of you thought of me as the fun girl. My mission then, be the most fun and keep topping your idea of just how fun I could be. I didn't always feel like being fun, but there was a fear I'd lose my title.
I was an average student until Mr. Glidden, junior year at Avon, told me he thought I should be in the honors English class. I ended up acing his class and embracing the idea that I could be a good student. I majored in Secondary Education English.
Words and expectations can be powerful, very powerful. Just think of the power you can wield for good in someone else's life.
However, now that I'm 35 I'm finding that the power of other people's opinions of me can be harnessed. I don't want to care what people think in some regards. I just can't. Over the last 10 years I've embraced the fact that I don't know it all, or in some cases, very much. But, I have a passion for learning and hearing other people's point of view. I've learned that sometimes it's more important to learn other's views than to have a stance of my own.
And, for the title of the post. I love art, singing, dancing, writing, and thinking. I've never considered myself to be a master of these things, or someone who could get paid to do them. But, I'm going to pursue them and I don't care if you like my art, singing, dancing, or writing (you may not even see any of it happen.) It's my own little joy and treasure. I'm not waiting for someone to declare that I'm these things,I'm declaring it for myself.
Perhaps you've always wanted to be something. Go ahead: you are, you can be.