What am I doing?

I have to say I get some relief when I see a parent who looks a little frazzled, who looks like they have run out of ideas, who looks a little clueless. Maybe that is because I must look that way to people often (especially lately). I find myself hauling Spencer, kicking and screaming, out of the YMCA, church, or grocery store. I just try really hard to look unbothered and even manage to smile at the people passing by. My smile is supposed to silently communicate, "ah, kids, they keep ya hopping ;)" Inside I'm thinking, "I want to beat you, you are making my life very difficult right now." The problem is I actually said that out loud coming out of the YMCA yesterday.
Today, our church got to witness Maegan's protest about going into Sunday School class. She wasn't having it, for some unknown reason. Doug wanted to spank her into compliance. I, condescendingly, told him that wasn't the right method. I decided to sit in the hallway with her, thinking she'd get bored and go in. Well, she was yelling too loud and it was disturbing the worshippers in the basement. Doug hauled her into Arch's office. People were trying to help give ideas, or just give a smile of compassion. I just kept announcing to everyone..."I don't know what I'm doing." I didn't know if my method was right, but I was trying what I could.
My friend, Katie, once said, "When preparing for motherhood I knew I would be physically tired, have to clean up a lot of messes, and that our schedules would change dramatically. However, I wasn't prepared for the 1000 different decisions I would have to make each day." Can I get an amen!